Excessive drinking is so normalized in college. I used to go out multiple nights a week and pregame like my life depended on it. People, including me, used to say it’s not alcoholism until you graduate. And in hindsight, it’s a little bit insane. Alcohol is a harmful drug, not just a fun drink and long-term usage has lasting negative effects.

I was using alcohol to cover up how I was feeling. I was using it as an escape from what I couldn’t understand. It’s not normal to drink every weekend almost to the point of blacking out. I had a pretty good handle on my ability to drink so I knew my limits, but there were times when I had no idea where my limit was. And I kept going. Like when I had a breakdown in the middle of the bar…. so embarrassing at the time. But now, I recognize it for what it was. I was trying to hide from what was hurting me and of course, it didn’t work. Can’t cool girl your way out of heartbreak! 

I thought that alcohol made me fun and made me the life of the party. And it did, to an extent, but I didn’t need alcohol to bring that out in me. I needed to be more secure in myself, but alcohol hid that simple truth from me. Instead, I prided myself on being a “tequila girl” and framing parts of my personality around alcohol. 

I first started noticing I was using alcohol as an escape when I was grieving the loss of my grandmother. I didn’t want to cry or feel sad, I wanted to enjoy what I had left of college. So instead of sitting with the feeling, I partied. Not to say that I was only partying to escape the feeling. I was using any opportunity to escape the feeling of dread building up in my body. 

In college, I didn’t have the time to unpack why I was drinking and partying more. When I wasn’t partying, I was studying and working. I didn’t let myself pause and it caught up with me when my anxiety started manifesting in physical symptoms which I’m sure was exacerbated by my excessive alcohol usage. For an entire week, I felt so nauseous almost to the point of needing to vomit. The doctor thought I had strep or mono, but in reality, I was just burying my feelings so much that my body was starting to suffer. 

2 years later, I barely drink alcohol regularly. I’m even considering going completely sober. Partly due to health but also because I don’t need to drink to be interesting or fun. Long-term alcohol use can result in cancer, high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, liver disease, weakened immune system, and SO much more. I want to live a fulfilling and healthy life for as long as possible. In August 2023, I had the worst hangover ever and quickly realized that I couldn’t drink the way I used to anymore. 

And I’m also realizing that I like who I am when I’m not drinking. Not that I didn’t before, but I was trying to escape myself and how I was feeling through drinking. I wanted to be a cooler and hotter version of myself and alcohol made me temporarily feel like I was. 

Once I wasn’t in an environment where I was thinking about the next party or pregame, I faced what I couldn’t before. And I learned I’m cool, hot, and fun even without alcohol. Especially without alcohol. Now I don’t get drunk and will absolutely show up to the club sober :)

Currently Consuming

Reading

• The Cure for Burnout by Emily Ballesteros 

  • Haven’t made a huge dent yet, but as someone who has experienced burnout, I’m already loving it.

Watching

• Bridgerton Season 3!!!!!

  • Watched all 4 episodes in one sitting….now I have to wait a whole month for the next 4 episodes. 

Listening

• Dua Lipa’s new album Radical Optimism

  • I LOVE IT!!!

Life Recently

Started a new class on economics

Trying to pack because I’m moving….hehe 

Uneventful outside of that!! 

See ya! 

Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week!

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