Failure to launch

Yukta Parikh
October 04, 2024

As I sifted through my trauma, I revealed a lot about how I grew up. The main thing that stood out was that my parents set me up to fail. They did this by making me dependent on them for everything so I could never learn how to live my own life.

Everything had to be approved by them. What I ate, what clothes I wore, who I spent time with, what activities I did, and what I did in the house. I always had to account for my time. I didn’t get my license until 18 because my parents refused to let me. It was too much “freedom.” Even now, my parents refuse to remove the student driver sticker from their car. I’m 24.

When I tried to get my first job in high school, my parents pushed back constantly. They didn’t want me to work or earn my own money. I eventually did get a summer job and my parents allowed me to open a savings account. But I couldn’t access the money nor use a debit card to use my money.

They required me to run every purchase by them, and even now, they question me when I use my money without asking them first (though this has changed since I wrote this). I never learned how to properly spend and save money because the minute I had freedom I bought everything I wasn’t allowed to.

This controlling behavior only taught me how to work around them and lie. When they asked, I would lie about how much money was in my bank account so they wouldn’t know I was spending money. I would lie about my grades if they didn’t reach their impossible standards. I would lie about how much shopping I did.

It was confusing to be treated this way when my parents also expected me to be a mature adult. They would put me in the middle of their arguments, use me as emotional support, require me to fill out government forms for them and put adult expectations on me. Then they turn around and treat me like a child.

I was an adult when it benefitted them, but a child when it benefitted me.

However, I can only blame them so much. I wanted to fit the role so I would do everything for them. I would take over tasks and make things easier for them. Always to my detriment. I would lie so they only heard what they wanted to hear.

Breaking out of this meant breaking out of my people-pleasing tendencies. It’s so easy to do what others ask you to do, but at some point, I had to start making choices and decisions for myself. I was letting my parents walk all over me all in the name of keeping the peace and not wanting to make them upset. I had to start being honest with myself and with them.

I had to learn that sometimes people just need to be upset.

As I’m shifting and forcing my parents to figure things out themselves, I can see them respecting me more. I don’t give in anymore, I stand my ground. I uphold my boundaries and respect myself enough not to allow pushback.

I used to worry more about how other people felt and pushed my feelings down. Keeping the peace was always more important, but the people I was keeping the peace for didn’t care about my feelings. I had to start caring about myself and the things that I wanted. No one was going to do that for me. I was spending my time blaming my parents for holding me back, but the blame was also holding me back. I had to choose to be free of it.

My parents aren’t completely blameless, but I can’t operate from a place of blaming others for where I am. It’s up to me to take my life back.

Currently Consuming

Reading

A case on BTS (super cool btw)….but someone recommend a good book to read please I need fun fiction right now.

Watching

Tell Me Lies on Hulu
- Spoiler alert but Lucy was so valid for slapping Diana…..idc!!!!!
Nobody Wants This on Netflix
- I saw Adam Brody + Kristin Bell and absolutely wanted this

Listening