I see a lot of posts on the internet about what I know now that I wish a younger version of me knew. I love the idea of that, but the younger me didn’t need to know that. She was doing her best with what she knew about her world. There’s no use in wishing I knew what I know now. I can only be this version of Yukta because of all the versions that came before. All the mistakes, lessons, setbacks, and successes of my life so far have brought me to where I am now. So in the spirit of that, here is what I know now because of all the me’s that came before. 

Let go (but don’t forget)

Healing from past trauma is difficult and the things we may have experienced aren’t excusable. We can’t hold onto them though. Holding onto pain and negativity keeps us from experiencing the world in a better way. It keeps us from living our lives fully. We don’t need to hold onto it. Give yourself permission to let it go, but don’t forget it. You can forgive without forgetting. 

Life is short (we wish it were long)

I’m getting older and so are my parents, my family, and my friends. Life is not stagnant or forever, that’s the coolest thing about it. As humans, we try so hard to live as long as we can. We try to keep things the same. Nothing stays the same. We move, we get new jobs, we try new hairstyles, we graduate, and we change. We get older. Embracing that life changes and that it is short will change the way you show up. We can’t control time, but we can control how we show up every day. 

Grief is strange (and we grieve more than death)

The first time I experienced grief was when my grandma passed away in September of 2021. I hadn’t understood how a loss like that felt, it never impacted me directly. Until then. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I cried and I thought it was enough. Just get the tears out and don’t tell my mom how hard I cried and everything will be fine again. It wasn’t fine again. Someone who played a tremendous role in my life was gone, it simply wasn’t fine. Months later, when I had finally gotten through the worst of it, I watched Princess Diaries and sobbed for hours. I felt so much better after, but it reminded me that she’ll never fully leave me. And that’s okay with me. 

More than that though, I didn’t realize how much I would grieve different versions of myself. Cue the fig tree analogy: 

I had so many aspirations. Doctor, musician, journalist, lawyer, historian, politician, etc. There are so many versions of myself that I could have become if I only made one or two different decisions. Coming to terms with the fact that this is the life I chose through the decisions that I made is such a huge concept for me to grasp. I’m grasping it slowly, but it’s WEIRD.  Being in your 20’s is WEIRD.

We make bad decisions sometimes (and it’s okay)

Don’t lie, I know you’ve made bad decisions. I’ve made plenty and I could write an entire post just on that but I don’t like to focus on the negative. I know that I’ve hurt people, the same way others have hurt me. I’ve been stupid, dumb, idiotic, bitchy, and mean. I’ve improved though because I am not a mean or bitchy person, but we’ve all been there and done that. What matters is that those are not decisions I would make at this moment. I’m smarter, kinder, and overall better. But that’s because I can be. We all can be, but we have to make a lot of bad decisions before getting there. 

Therapy will help (not right away)

The first time I tried therapy, it was horrible. I was struggling and felt like I had no one to rely on at the time (in hindsight, not at all accurate lol). I found a website where I could make an appointment and spoke to my first therapist. The first appointment was fine, but I had no idea what to expect going into it. The second appointment, however, didn’t happen due to a technology issue. It caused me to freak out because it felt like even though I was seeking help, no one wanted to help me. I finally tried therapy again in 2023 and it’s gone so much better. I’ve dealt with things I never thought I would and I feel better. I feel lighter. It takes time to do the work and I’m still doing it. 

Have hobbies simply to enjoy them

In this capitalistic society, we are always being urged to find multiple sources of income. It’s exhausting to me and there were times when I was absolutely lured in by it. Turning your hobbies into an income sounds thrilling at first, but all it does is turn something fun into work. Nothing wrong with doing that, but have hobbies outside of that. We don’t have to be constantly making money or being productive. We can just be. 

I’ve learned a lot, and I’m so glad that future Yukta will have all these lessons to carry with her. Past Yukta did her best to get me this far. This is your sign to embrace your younger self, they got you this far!

Currently Consuming

Reading

• Bloodlines by Richelle Mead

  • My absolutely favorite series. I’ve already read it 4 times, this is my 5th reread, which is a little concerning. No one writes vampires like Richelle!!

Watching

• One Day on Netflix

  • Crushed my soul and heart, but it was wonderful to watch. I love seeing Desi women be romantic leads and main characters. Ambika Mod has my whole heart. 

Listening

• Texas Hold ‘Em by Beyonce 

  • I am obsessed. Country is so back in.

• Austin by Dasha

  • Again, country is so back in. 

• I Didn’t Know I Needed This by Eli Rallo

  • I don’t usually read books from influencers because they just couldn’t get me to do it, but Eli has my heart. 

See ya!

Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week!

Want more Yukta? Find me here:

LinkedIn

Goodreads

Spotify

TikTok