There’s so much advice out there on how to improve your life. I always thought a lot of it was dumb and didn’t work. I believed in some advice but didn’t know how to apply it. I would read self-improvement books and wonder why I wasn’t feeling better. Speak affirmations, try new routines, go on runs and journal, but nothing ever felt better for more than a couple of weeks. 

The issue was that the problems I was dealing with didn’t have quick fixes. I was suffering from anxiety and unresolved trauma. A 5-minute meditation video and speaking 10 affirmations wouldn’t solve anything for me. They were bandages for deeper wounds. 

Facing those root issues allowed me to finally utilize the proper tools to feel better. Today, I feel lighter and happier than I ever have. I have my therapist to thank for that, but I also have to thank myself for taking the steps towards true solutions. 

With that said, therapy made me realize that all of the advice I once read about does work. I just didn’t know how to put the advice to use in my own life. I could read all day that I needed to let go of what others think but I wasn’t able to choose to listen to myself. 

People can’t cater to your triggers, you have to face your triggers

On the surface level, I knew that I couldn’t blame my trauma responses on other people. But when I didn’t even know all my trauma responses, I didn’t know how to face them. I thought I was facing them but I was still jumping at loud noises and disassociating. I still find myself thinking that a person should behave a certain way because of my subconscious reactions. However, other people are not responsible for my reactions. I’m responsible for my reactions. I struggle sometimes, but I no longer wait for other people to help me. I’m helping myself. 

Don’t take things personally

I’ve never been freer than the moment I realized that other people’s actions have nothing to do with me. Someone I was dating rejected me? Has nothing to do with me, they weren’t interested. Did someone cut me off on the street? Maybe they were in a rush. Did they have a different tone than usual when texting me? Probably busy and preoccupied with something else. I wasted so much mental energy and time taking things too seriously. Not to say I don’t still get caught in the cycle though because I do. But I don’t act on it anymore. People are people, they do things for reasons that may have nothing to do with us.  

Daily movement

Movement used to be a hard workout or a run, which is not something I had the energy for all the time. I still do a weekly yoga sculpt class when I have the time, and I feel great after! But it’s not always feasible to do. Saving movement only for workouts wasn’t my smartest idea. Now, I try to walk as much as I can throughout the day. I take a break to go outside, breathe fresh air, and feel the sun on my face. Accepting that daily movement can be simple made it so much easier to achieve daily. Even a 30-minute walk on my walking pad elevates my mood. I never needed to be so hard on myself to be perfect. 

Love yourself 

This sounds so basic and it sounds like the easiest thing to do right? Well not always. I told myself I loved myself, but I would treat myself badly. I would get mad and frustrated with myself if I couldn’t do something right. I would talk to myself negatively and trick myself into believing those things. I would distract myself so that I wouldn’t have to be alone with me and my thoughts. I would wait for other people to give me things I could give myself. I started turning things around when I started showing myself compassion. I started pulling through on my promises to myself. I started doing things because I wanted to do them. I started doing things alone. 

The biggest piece of advice that truly changed me was that I can choose my life. I have the freedom to choose the easier path forward. I can choose to make life easier for myself. Before, I was constantly fighting against the current of life because I thought I had no choice. Worrying about being perfect, about other people’s actions, and worrying about things I can’t control. I had to accept that perfection is impossible, other people’s actions are their own, and I can only control my actions. 

Currently Consuming

Reading

• Women in the Olympics 

• Postcards by Elle substack on writing

Watching

• Bachelorette!

  • I am team Jonathan all the wayyyyy, next week is hometowns!!!

Listening

• New Shawn Mendes 

• Diet Pepsi by Addison Rae 

Life Recently

Lollapalooza!!! took me a week to recover.

National Convention for my sorority! For those who don’t know, I was on the national board for my sorority for 2 years. I’ll be returning for another year but in a different role….stay tuned 🤭 

See ya! 

Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week!

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