How to trust yourself

Author

Yukta Parikh
June 07, 2024

How do you know you’re making the right decisions? By trusting yourself. I used to doubt myself after every decision. I wondered if I did the right thing, said the right thing, or acted the right way. I wanted others to confirm my choices and tell me I was doing the right thing. I lived and died for external validation of my actions and feelings. I still doubt myself, as I’m sure we all do, but I’m learning to trust myself. I know what is good for me and I know what I want.

Part of the reason I couldn’t trust myself was because I was taught that I couldn’t. My parents rarely let me make my own decisions and I didn’t have much control over my life growing up. I was told what to take for lunch to school, what outfit to wear to temple, what to say to my relatives, and how to act in the world. I didn’t know how to make decisions and when I could, I had no idea what I wanted. I had no idea who I was when I wasn’t being told who to be. 

Getting to know yourself is a huge aspect of trusting yourself. I had to get to know myself before making decisions for myself. I did not come to this revelation quickly, unfortunately. I went through high school and college trying to determine who I should be based on others. What were other people doing, what were other people wearing, how were other people acting? I wanted to be like others rather than be myself. Which meant I accepted things I shouldn’t have. I accepted bad treatment, bad friends, inconsistency, and so much more that now I would never accept. 

Recently, someone who read my newsletter on LinkedIn attempted to flirt with me by insulting my work. First of all, GROSS! Second of all, I didn’t tolerate it at all. But a few years ago I would have. I would have convinced myself that since this person is interested in me it’s okay that they are insulting something important to me. I would accept less when more is out there. Not now though and my newsletter slays because I say it does. 

That takes us to my next point. We show others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. The boundaries and standards we set communicate what we need and how we want to be treated. But how we talk to ourselves and judge ourselves does too. If I accepted less, it would show others that they could give me less too. If I entertained the LinkedIn DMer, I would tell him it’s okay to treat me and others that way. If I constantly doubted my skills and abilities, others would start picking up the vibes. We have to start leaning into ourselves. Start speaking to yourself kindly and stop accepting things that you would never give to someone else. 

Lastly, trust is how you build confidence. I went years thinking that I could fake it till I made it, but faking it can only take you so far. The rest of the road is doing the work. I started keeping my promises, going to the gym when I said I would, studying for the time I committed to, and completing my habits like I promised. I started showing up for myself and not shaming myself when I didn’t do something quite right. In the end, trusting yourself begins with being kind to yourself. 

Currently Consuming

Reading

  • FUNNY STORY BY EMILY HENRY

    • My thoughts are on their way, I just started!!

  • This lil piece on writing that resonated with me

    • I certainly do not have a writing routine but this is how writing feels to me

  • Not reading this yet because it’s not out but a new book from Suzanne Collins is incoming!!! Can’t wait to read Sunrise on the Reaping!!

Watching

  • Sex and the city! I’m on season 6

Listening

Life Recently

I moved!!

See ya! 

Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week!

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