Something about August makes me reflective and ponderous. The end of summer is far more depressing than the end of the year. This August has been better than those of years past, perhaps because I feel more like myself than I ever have, or because I see the light at the end of the tunnel. August makes me think of life and more specifically my life. 

I grew accustomed to the waiting game. Wait until high school, until college, until your first job, until grad school, until you get married. Wait wait wait. Getting stuck waiting means watching your life go by. But I no longer want to watch life go by, I want to be in my life. I want to live my life. 

Experience over inconvenience

I’m no longer letting a long bus ride or a hot day or rain keep me from enjoying life. Sitting on the bus for 45 minutes is far more enjoyable than wishing I had something to do. I’d rather waste away at the red line stop on my way to meet a friend than waste it away losing myself. 

The saying that life happens outside of your comfort zone never really got through to me until now. I have to choose to be uncomfortable to become the person I’ve always wanted to be. In my efforts to play the waiting game, I chose peace over my voice. I chose easy over growth. I chose comfort over facing my fears. 

So instead I will be embarrassing myself in public, dancing in the rain, and allowing myself to make mistakes and even make them again. I’ll learn eventually. Then wake up the next day and do it all over again. I will be treating everything like an adventure. 

Life is much more abundant when you see it for what it is. Something worth living. 

Letting go of the idea of perfection

August is probably the worst month of the year in my opinion, especially in the Midwest. The weather is playing games, the heat waves are smothering us, summer is ending, and it all around sucks. And yet in that suckiness, there’s beauty. The sun is shining, the nights are warm, the lake is glistening, and even the rain sounds exciting. In all the imperfections of this month, the perfection is right there. If we can accept August with all its flaws, we can accept ourselves too. 

I can’t wait for perfection, or else I’ll stay stuck in a version of myself I’ve never been and never will be. My efforts towards perfection were endless because the goalpost was always moving. There is no end to being perfect. You get there and see something else that needs fixing. Instead of trying to get to perfection, I’m finding perfection right where I am. So I’m also finding happiness right where I am.

Currently Consuming

Reading

• The Personal MBA by Josh Kaufman

Watching

• Bachelorette!

  • You know I was team Jonathan…..and he was sent home……

Listening

• Come Clean by Hillary Duff

My notes app this week

Simple pleasures 

• Ice cream during a heat wave 

• Walking in the rain 

• Someone holding the door for you 

• Wind in your hair 

• Warm bed 

• Good friends 

• Music 

See ya! 

Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week!

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